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You Cannot be Knocked Over Easily When Your Water Bottle is Full

You Cannot be Knocked Over Easily When Your Water Bottle is Full

 

I am not sure if anyone ever told you that you were a water bottle, but you are.   When your water bottle is full, it cannot be tipped over easily; however, when your water bottle is empty, you will be more readily knocked down physically, emotionally, and spiritually.  When you are born your body is about 78% water, and by the time you are an adult, men need their body to have a water hydration level of 50-60% and women need their water hydration levels to be 45-60%.  Water runs all of the systems of our physical body including our brain, and we need to take in water to keep our systems running in a healthy manner. This is a good correlation to keeping yourself hydrated spiritually and emotionally; if you’re not hydrating yourself in these way, then when troubles come, you will be knocked to the ground easily.  When you are hydrating yourself emotionally and spiritually, you will make better choices in the care of self and others, but when you are not…well, the consequences are apparent. I believe that from the moment you are born, you have needs and longings that are hardwired into you from your very creation. From the moment a baby is born they are crying to have their physical and emotional longings fulfilled, but somewhere along the way, we learn to suppress those longings and we use addictions and control of various things as a means of suppressing those longings.  However, no person can fulfill all the longings of another, and thus we have a puzzle of how to let in our spiritual creator and other safe humans to take care of these longings. Proverbs 13:19 states that a longing fulfilled is sweet to the soul, but most people who have no idea what they have natural longings for because they have been suppressing those longings for so long. When your needs and longings have received the emotional and spiritual water they need to to be healthy, you will make better emotional and spiritual choices and will be less likely to medicate or control things in life.  What do you need today to fill your water bottle? Here is my general list of emotional and spiritual elements people needs. What would you add to the list?

 

⚪Healthy Touch like a safe hug, a comforting hold, holding hands, snuggling

⚪To be heard- talking with someone who listens so I feel valued and heard

⚪Affirmation – need to hear something good about myself

⚪Joy – a good laugh, doing something I love, being with people who are joyful, having a spiritual experience, singing

⚪A need to create – art, music, dance, write, decorate, cleaning, organizing, building,  fixing.

⚪Peace – quiet, alone time, a nap, a bath, etc.

⚪Beauty – Outdoors time, beautiful things, color

⚪Passion – something to get excited about, vision, new experience, new knowledge

⚪To feel useful- to feel like I am making a positive impact on my world

⚪Other ______________________________________________

 

You can be sure that God will take care of everything you need, his generosity exceeding even yours in the glory that pours from Jesus. Our God and Father abound in glory that just pours out into eternity. Phil. 4:20 (MSG)

Addicted to Abuse?

Addicted to Abuse?

People ask me all the time how they keep winding up in relationships where there is abuse.  They hate the concept of abuse and feel frustrated to find themselves again in this situation and yet, they feel drawn to it.  In the world of counseling, we call this hard to explain “addiction” trauma bonding.  Trauma bonding comes from people walking through typical stages of bonding with people, but if their bonding in their childhood was bonding mixed with abuse, abuse is normalized in a relationship.  So how does one change a cycle established in their childhood when bonding was combined with abuse?  We need to change our belief systems.  Let me share my own story as an example of how you change your belief system about abuse in relationships.  As a child, my mother would leave my brother and me with my mentally ill grandmother as a form of childcare.  I think her belief was that as long as my grandfather was present nothing bad was going to happen.  However, there was frequent abuse that occurred inside the house while my grandfather was outside working on projects.  My grandmother had very high perfectionistic beliefs, and those perfectionistic standards were impossible for a child under the age of 8 to maintain.  Hence I would be beaten for making mistakes –  mistakes such as not cuffing my socks correctly or standing too close to the door of a room I was not allowed to would result in a beating.  I was forced to make perfectionism my standard and shame had to become my means of punishment for myself.  If someone shamed me for not being perfect, I learned to completely embrace their shame as a means of striving for greater perfection.  The shame would push me to higher standards of behavior and higher standards of interaction with people and tasks.  It was an exhausting and anxiety-provoking endeavor that would end each time perfection was achieved, or shame was given by myself or others.  It was when I began targeting the belief system that held this behavior in the place that I was able to change how I interacted with others and what I allowed from others.  Somewhere along the line I had learned I deserved to be punished and humiliated when I made mistakes and understanding the beliefs that kept that behavior in place, I was able to renew my mind.  So what is your addiction?  What are the beliefs that hold your addiction in place?  What are you doing to change that in your own life?   For me, it was a combination of surrounding myself with truth via people, a personal therapist, reading articles on topics related to my beliefs, and spiritually trying to come to understand how God perceived me.  Today, I am able to stop disrespectful or shaming conversations by telling the person speaking to me they need to stop or I will end the conversation.  I am able to feel the physical feeling of shame or disrespect and I ask people to change how they are communicating or the conversation is over.   It took a concerted effort on my part to not use perfectionism as an addiction, but I’m happy to say today that there are times I wish I were a little more anal than I currently am because mistakes are common and now acceptable in my world.  I extend love and forgiveness to myself when I make mistakes because I’ve changed the way I think about myself and what is accurate and godly in judging how other people interact with me.   I am now able to state I no longer am addicted to shame, and I’m proud of it!