Everyone has that one friend who is always going to be late, will cancel plans at the last minute, or says they will do something that you know will never happen. Maybe that person is you because of issues from your past that you have never dealt with thus far. I have to admit, there was a time when I would agree to do things I did not want to do, but I would follow through with doing what I didn’t want to do, As a result, I would be frustrated, exhausted, and drained. I feared people’s rejection and would honor what they needed more than honoring what I needed. I had to build my core emotional strength via learning to face down hard truths and learn to give myself time to process information in my head before I could begin to say no to people without feeling shameful. Which response is your most common response?
1. Do you not do what you say you are going to do because you felt controlled as a child, and so you make excuses for what you are not doing to not feel controlled?
2. Do you allow too much into your life, in turn, cannot meet your expectations?
3. Do you agree to something and then when something better comes along, choose self over honorable behavior and cancel the first agreement?
Each of the above makes those we with whom we have relationship feel invalidated and experience a variety of other feelings. If we want to be honorable people who feel safe to those around us, we must start dealing with the relationship sabotaging choices we make with others. Your self-worth is tied to how you treat self and others, and we need to recognize that we are choosing to damage our integrity by repeatedly doing a behavior that makes us feel unsafe to others. If you want to be respected, you need to follow through with actions, not words and if you want to feel powerful, you may need to explore why you give away your power. Being a person of integrity is a powerful thing that creates a line of truth in our life of right and wrong ways to treat self and others. If we cannot walk the line, it’s important to understand why we cannot.
Ecclesiastes 5:4 New International Version (NIV)
4 When you make a vow to God, do not delay to fulfill it. He has no pleasure in fools; fulfill your vow. 5 It is better not to make a vow than to make one and not fulfill it.