School summer vacation has an immense undercurrent to it these days. Below the surface of the joy that the children feel about summer vacation from school, there exists a hint of angst when parents think about children being home in summer. It is rare though when a parent openly shares their negative feelings of shame and guilt associated with children being home. There is less structure, less mom time, and less money available because food, entertainment, camp, and vacation expenses go up. Moms, in particular, feel more guilt and shame over not being able to be the fantastic mom portrayed in social media. Therefore, they find it difficult to focus on the positive aspects of connecting with their children and find summer to be a struggle. Two conflicting emotions are colliding! However, God desires to empower us in all the losses and negative feelings we experience during this season. We love our children; however, we may need some assistance in processing our feelings of guilt, shame, inadequacy, and powerlessness that get stirred by the summer break. Join host Sharon Wegman and her guest host Jesukah Beachy (mom of four girls) as they discuss how to bring empowerment to the negative feelings tied to summer break.
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You Cannot be Knocked Over Easily When Your Water Bottle is Full
I am not sure if anyone ever told you that you were a water bottle, but you are. When your water bottle is full, it cannot be tipped over easily; however, when your water bottle is empty, you will be more readily knocked down physically, emotionally, and spiritually. When you are born your body is about 78% water, and by the time you are an adult, men need their body to have a water hydration level of 50-60% and women need their water hydration levels to be 45-60%. Water runs all of the systems of our physical body including our brain, and we need to take in water to keep our systems running in a healthy manner. This is a good correlation to keeping yourself hydrated spiritually and emotionally; if you’re not hydrating yourself in these way, then when troubles come, you will be knocked to the ground easily. When you are hydrating yourself emotionally and spiritually, you will make better choices in the care of self and others, but when you are not…well, the consequences are apparent. I believe that from the moment you are born, you have needs and longings that are hardwired into you from your very creation. From the moment a baby is born they are crying to have their physical and emotional longings fulfilled, but somewhere along the way, we learn to suppress those longings and we use addictions and control of various things as a means of suppressing those longings. However, no person can fulfill all the longings of another, and thus we have a puzzle of how to let in our spiritual creator and other safe humans to take care of these longings. Proverbs 13:19 states that a longing fulfilled is sweet to the soul, but most people who have no idea what they have natural longings for because they have been suppressing those longings for so long. When your needs and longings have received the emotional and spiritual water they need to to be healthy, you will make better emotional and spiritual choices and will be less likely to medicate or control things in life. What do you need today to fill your water bottle? Here is my general list of emotional and spiritual elements people needs. What would you add to the list?
⚪Healthy Touch like a safe hug, a comforting hold, holding hands, snuggling
⚪To be heard- talking with someone who listens so I feel valued and heard
⚪Affirmation – need to hear something good about myself
⚪Joy – a good laugh, doing something I love, being with people who are joyful, having a spiritual experience, singing
⚪A need to create – art, music, dance, write, decorate, cleaning, organizing, building, fixing.
⚪Peace – quiet, alone time, a nap, a bath, etc.
⚪Beauty – Outdoors time, beautiful things, color
⚪Passion – something to get excited about, vision, new experience, new knowledge
⚪To feel useful- to feel like I am making a positive impact on my world
You can be sure that God will take care of everything you need, his generosity exceeding even yours in the glory that pours from Jesus. Our God and Father abound in glory that just pours out into eternity. Phil. 4:20 (MSG)
Sometimes good can be the enemy of best. We can fill our lives easily with things that are good to do and ignore doing the things that are best for us. Be it spending time listening to our spouse, playing with our children, doing self-care or spending time with God, we can often choose good over best. If you are a people pleaser choosing to not do good in the effort to do what is best is particularly hard because you may disappoint others. What is Best for the rest of your day? Go do Best! – SW
Ephesians 5:15-16 So, then, be careful how you live. Do not be unwise but wise, making the best use of your time because the times are evil.
We have been hardwired to have longings and needs. When we fail to acknowledge the longings within us we tend to cycle through a pattern of disappointment, trying to empower ourselves by usually using something that will make us feel half full (like eating junk food when we are hungry), followed by shame and penance in response to our bad choices. Basically, this is where bad habits and addictions start.
It’s time for people to stop ignoring their longings and start inviting God into the process of meeting their needs. Most people have no idea what they need, or they feel guilty and shameful for having needs as if having a need makes them needy. Having a need makes you normal.
God has hardwired you with needs so that you would seek out His love to meet these needs and so that you would allow yourself to be loved by others.
I tell my clients all the time that the very things that a child needs to thrive is the very things we need to thrive. Here is my own basic list:
1. Need to be Loved – touch, affirmation, mutuality, affirmation
2. Need to Create – art, music, writing, decorating, creating order
3. Need for Beauty – visual stimulation, color, beauty, outdoors
4. Need for Joy – a good laugh, life-giving people and activities
5. Need for Peace – quiet, alone time, things that bring you peace
6. Need for Passion – excitement, vision, new experiences
7. Need to feel safe and secure –stability, comfort, being able to depend on others
8. Need to impact our world and others – using our inborn talents and gifts to impact our world positively.
The next time you are stirred up, ask yourself what need you are suppressing that you need to bring to God. God promises to meet our needs. It may not fall in your lap, but it will come if we look for it, even if it is from the woman you meet in the grocery store.
19 And my God will meet all your needs according to the riches of his glory in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:19 (NIV)